Last night I witnessed the President of the United States mock (bully) a sexual assault victim on live TV. He verbally stoned her in public. I feel like I am living during the Salem Witch Trials.
The Devil is NOT in the details
A story of rape and attempted murder.
Do I remember all the details of the event – NO.
Do I remember the exact date – NO.
Do I remember the exact year – NO. I was in high school and wasn’t old enough to drive.
Do I remember their names – NO.
I do remember they were Merchant Marines and we were in Jacksonville FL.
Do I remember the moment I knew we were in BIG trouble – YES.
Do I remember sitting in the back of the car with a Jack Daniel’s bottle in my hand contemplating smashing it against the driver’s head so we could escape – YES. (I couldn’t do it!)
Do I remember a car driving by us and the men threatening us if we screamed – YES.
Do I remember my clothes being removed and being pinned down on the car – From an Eagle’s Perspective, it was like I left my body and witnessed it from above.
Do I remember hearing the two men plan my friend and I’s murder – YES.
Do I remember where we were at that moment – YES, shut in a room in their trailer.
Do I remember hearing them talk about what they were going to do with our bodies – YES.
Do I remember formulating an escape plan and selling it to the rapist and his friend – YES. It went something like this “Please let us go outside and say goodbye to one another before you kill us.” They bought it or we wouldn’t be here today.
Do I remember walking outside to tell my friend goodbye, hugging her and whispering in her ear “when I count to three run as fast as you can that way and I will run the other way, they won’t be able to catch both of us.”
Do I remember running as fast I as could (it was life or death) – YES.
Do I remember knocking on doors and no one willing to answer – YES.
Do I remember jumping over a highway fence – YES. (I still don’t know how I physically did that)
Do I remember frantically trying to flag down a driver on I95 – YES.
Do I remember the semi-truck driver pulling over to help me – YES (he was my hero).
Do I remember the disgusting fat Jacksonville FL deputy who answered the Truck Drivers call – YES.
Do I remember that deputy driving slowly bullying and shaming me while spiting tobacco out the window of his car – YES.
Do I remember the deputy saying something degrading about the way I was dressed – YES. Dressed? I just got raped and escaped my murder. I never got redressed after the rape.
Do I remember the moment they told me they found my friend – YES.
Do I remember the moment they told me they knew where the men were – YES (did they do anything to them – NO)
Do I remember the hospital staff talking about not knowing what to do with us and deciding to send us to the psych-ward – YES.
Do I remember ending up in a half-way house with no shoes – YES.
Do I remember flying home – NO.
Do I remember my dad saying lets never talk about this again – YES.
Do I remember a long list of unhealthy relationships, promiscuity / abortions, suicide attempts, addiction, lack of self-esteem and worth that shadowed me for decades – YES.
The rape and attempted murder caused a domino effect that shadowed my life until I had my personal Aha moment right before turning 50 at the tail end of a relationship with a Sociopath. January 2014 I threw the Sociopath’s stuff out of the house on to the driveway and decided I had to take an Inner Journey and figure out why I kept attracting these horrible people into my life. Do I remember the final piece of the puzzle – YES … “Deirdre when you don’t value yourself you will keep attracting people into your life who prove you right.”
I now proudly hold my Warrior’s Shield up for all the women, men, boys and girls that have walked this path or are currently. Enough is enough. These power addicts who abuse people financially, emotionally and/or physically are in for the battle of light v. dark and they will LOSE.
The DEVIL is not in the details.
Dr. Deirdre Cavener, Warrior for Equality!